I am getting married this month! This huge life change has got me thinking about my experience with love and alternative fashion. Here are my experiences in dating and how it relates to lolita fashion.
My story begins...
My story begins when I discovered lolita fashion in 2007. I was in my second year of college. Now that I was out in the world, I was able to start exploring my interest in fashion. I happened to stumble across this street fashion, and I was drawn to it automatically. Since I had very limited experience with fashion, I wanted to make sure that this was a style that I would like to invest in the long term.
To see if the style was for me, I incorporated lolita aspects into my everyday wardrobe. Some common accessories were knee socks, a headdress, a parasol, Demonia brand shoes, and blouses. Due to this blend of an obscure fashion, I received some surprising statements from potential mates.
1. "What are you wearing?"
Ah, yes. The over-the-top, "What are you wearing?" question. Even after multiple thorough explanations, this potential soulmate is horrified that you wear something as basic as knee-high socks out in public. In my experience this partner may be interested in dating you, but not without stipulations. The most common form is the request that you only wear such a style behind closed doors. Additionally, this type of person may avoid public events when you are dressed in your alternative fashion style. To say that this person is embarrassed by your choice of fashion is an understatement. Be wary of sideways glances or a look of pity on behalf of this potential mate!
What did I do in this situation?
I tried to educate the person about the fashion. I tolerated the disapproving and embarrassed expressions. When these attempts failed, I simply distanced myself from that person romantically. I did not want to be with someone that was unwilling to understand that the fashion made me, dare I say it, happy. The discomfort she felt only added to the discomfort between us.
2. "Better than Victoria Secret."
This mate is a little too into your fashion. It's not that they have an interest in the fashion themselves or want to support your hobby. This person sees lolita fashion as a kink or fetish. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this outlook if the belief is consensual. If you are not interested in your chosen fashion being associated with adult activities, this may be an obstacle in this relationship. The understanding that you dress this way for your own enjoyment is lost in this potential mate's eyes.
What did I do in this situation?
This "relationship" lasted only a few days. I am modest when it comes to public displays of affection. This is something that I communicated quite clearly, along with why I wore this alternative style. It was nice to have someone open and interested in my chosen and adaptive fashion style - at first. My trial guy could not seem to keep his hands to himself when I wore lolita-type items. I felt smothered. It was obvious that the guy was into the clothes more than me. After many statements about how much he loved what I wore for his personal benefit, I ended the dating. I wear this style for me!
3. "Why would you wear that?!"
Yes, you read correctly. I have had many potential partners tell me not to wear the lolita fashion style. The reasons given are some that you may be familiar with. "It's childish," "The style isn't flattering," "What will people think," "Don't waste your money on that," and other such remarks. Instead of embracing the love for your hobby and your individuality, they spend their time trying to convince you that you are strange. They may suggest that you give up the hobby. I could understand the concern of one's safety in certain situations, but this was never brought up to me as a reason.
Nothing makes me angrier than being told that I cannot do something completely harmless. Who the heck did this group of people think they were by telling me, a grown woman, what I could and could not wear? After all, lolita fashion is about self-expression. Since these individuals could not handle the simple truth that fashion makes me happy and creative, I moved onto better prospects.
My fiancée has known me when my interest in lolita fashion began. Even when we were just friends, she was very supportive of whatever hobbies that brought me enjoyment. My fiancée loves my enthusiasm for lolita fashion. While it is something that she does not have an interest in, my fiancée supports my interests. She listens to my stories about fashion and helps me dress as well.
My favorite aspect of my fiancée is that she encourages me to grow and change. If I decided that lolita fashion was no longer a good fit for me, my fiancée would support my decision 100%.
What I look for in a partner:
♡ Supports your interests
♡ Open minded
♡ Supports your growth
♡ Empowers you
♡ Listens to you
What aspects do you look for in a partner? How does that relate to lolita fashion? What relationship experiences have you had with dating and alternative fashion? I would love to read your answers!
This is the account of one woman and her passion for lolita Fashion.